My Quest to Insure the New Driver


As was previously mentioned in an earlier blog, Sweet Pea recently turned sixteen. In honor of that great achievement, Chief Money Maker has been awarded the opportunity to pay one arm, one leg, and three of the nine toes (yes, he does only have nine, but that’s another blog) he has left, to add her to our auto insurance. He also voluntarily offered his right ear and his left pinkie as a deposit for November when he will once again be afforded (afford my @$$) the opportunity to add another inexperienced teenage driver, Wolfy, to the auto insurance. So I decided to gather quotes from other insurance companies, in hopes of saving Chief Money Maker’s other arm.

Dear Mr., Mrs., or Ms. Insurance Guy or Lady:

I am seeking a quote from your company to provide auto insurance for our family. Sweet Pea, our band new inexperienced, giggly teenage daughter will be driving a restored 1994 Chevrolet Camaro. Red, of course. She has promised not to gather six of her other giggly teenage friends, pile them in her car, and squeal out of the parking lot with all of them yelling at gawking teenage boys. Of course, she probably will, but still, she promised.

Next we’ll need to add our nineteen year old nephew who only has three accidents involving only him.  Hey, shouldn’t we get some credit for his consideration of others? He doesn’t have a car because we’ve told him we don’t believe he’ll have it long enough to make it worth it before he wrecks it. We only let him drive ours. Please credit us for our outstanding parenting skills.

Third, we’ll need to add our twenty-one year old son who drives a suped up, flame striped Honda Civic with heavily tinted windows. He has only  had one accident…that was his fault…well, that was really the cops fault…he says…and he only rear-ended his girlfriend’s car…with her mother in the passenger seat, anyway.

In regards to those pesky tickets, (I’m not sure just how many there are) he has always paid them. Even the one that I learned about in these ten easy steps:


1) Received ticket in mail

2) Called son to ask him about it.

3) He said, “I was gonna pay it.”

4) I said, “How were you going to pay for it? You don’t have any money?”

5) He said, “It’s only twenty-five dollars.”

6) I said, “Twenty-five dollars? What ticket are you talking about?”

7) He said, “What ticket are YOU talking about”

8 ) I said, “Nu-uh, you first.”

9) He said, “Seatbelt violation.”

10) I said, “Rolling a red light – videoed!”

Please consider that he continues to vehemently claim that it was a local Germantown, TN conspiracy, and that the video-tape had been tampered with. He does have his convictions….I mean beliefs. Really, he doesn’t have any convictions. I don’t think.

Next, you’ll need to add me, Mama Bread Baker. I am a very safe driver. The Xanax really helps me deal with all those people honking and yelling at me when I’m driving. People are so rude these days!

Finally, you’ll need to add Chief Money Maker. He doesn’t drive a whole lot, partly because all of the vehicles, including his, are usually gone, and partly because….well, just between you and me, it’s really more like a case…he drinks about six beers a night.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Mama Bread Baker – Thacker Reservation

I sent the email to several of the insurance companies, and it wasn’t long before the responses came rolling in. With hands, and email, reaching out, I was offered a years supply of Xanax and quoted the price of, “$Please-take-two-of-these-each-month-and-send-us-a-blank-check.00.” With a very neighborly quote, we received this offering, “Please move out of our neighborhood, and we will pay you each month. This will save us the claims on others we have insured in your area.” On a basket straight from the farmer’s market, we received this quote, “Bwwhahahahahahahahahahaha.”

I determined that we would have to stay with our current insurance carrier, because obviously that creepy little talking lizard thing is one of the crumb snatchers pets. Otherwise, why else would they insure us? Nevertheless, our health insurance has offered to pay for replacing Chief Money Maker’s leg before completely terminating us.

Hey Honey, I know you’re out of town but, if you happen to be reading this, let me take this opportunity to make a point. If we go ahead and get that back yard, in ground pool you can drown yourself at home instead of driving down to the river! I love you!

© 2011 CThacker


5 thoughts on “My Quest to Insure the New Driver

  1. Pingback: Of Moose and Men….or Teenagers | Crumb Snatcher Tales

  2. chief money maker on trip to texas. I heard about insurance and wanted to jump in local lake, but dang lake is dried up. . .in 100-degree weather.

  3. Since the chief is already giving away limbs, tell him to add his 20 year old niece who only hits vehicles at red lights and that 16 year old know-it-all nephew of his.

    P.S. I will send him another wheelchair to get around.

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