The Building of My Sanitarium

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              Have you missed me?  I’ve missed me, but I haven’t known where I am or where I’ve been since I merged homes with Chief Money Maker and obtained five crumb snatchers.  Just yesterday, I was getting dressed to leave the house to visit with a couple of Sweet Pea’s teachers and noticed that I only had on one shoe.  I’ve had a lot of surgeries over the last year, but none of them involved the removal of either of my feet, so I generally like to wear two shoes. 

                I called Chief Money Maker into the bathroom and asked him to look at my feet to see if he noticed anything odd.  Maybe I didn’t phrase my question properly, or maybe he’s also lost his mind since we merged homes, but it took several entertaining guesses before he got it right.

                “Ummmm, you only have on one shoe????” he finally said.

                “Bingo,” I said.  Followed by, “And do you know why I only have on one shoe?”

                After several more entertaining guesses involving elves, ninjas, and crumb snatcher mischievousness, he finally guessed the correct answer.  “Ummmm, because you forgot to put on the other one?”

                “Bingo,” I said.  Followed by, “And do you know why I forgot to put on the other shoe?”

                At this point he asked, “What is the prize in this game?”  Upon discovering this was not a game, but instead a “talk”, he suddenly decided it was time for him to return to work.  But due to the strategic placing of my body in front of the bathroom door, he was not allowed escape, and I supplied him with the answer.

                “It’s because I put on one shoe, then thought of something that needs to go on my to-do list, then thought of something I forgot to do, then thought of George Clooney, then started doing something else, and totally forgot to put on my other shoe!  I need my writing studio!  NOW!” 

George Clooney at the 33rd Deauville American ...

Image via Wikipedia

A few weeks ago, after one of my increasingly more frequent melt-downs, Chief Money Maker and I determined that I had no place to escape in our home.  Granted, it’s a large home, but when filled with crumb snatchers that have found all my hiding places – including the washer which I didn’t know they knew existed – it’s become more difficult to find my sanity space.  And thus the idea for a writing studio, and a new section of my blog, was birthed.

                I want to be the next Celia Rivenbark or Dave Barry.  Since USA Today quoted, “Think Dave Barry with a female point of view” in regards to Ms. Rivenbark’s writing, I’ll probably have to settle for this quote on my book.   “Mama Bread Baker….think Celia Rivenbark with a different point of view, THEN think Celia Rivenbark with a Dave Barry point of view, or think Dave Barry with a Celia Rivenbark point of view, or think about George Clooney…just because he’s sexy.”  Whatever quote USA Today decides to use, I want to be like Celia and Dave…published.

                I imagine that the key to their success was a quiet area within their own home that allowed them the ability to have a train of thought that lasted more than twenty-seven seconds before interruption.  I didn’t really research this information, so this can’t be officially confirmed, but it is what I imagined.  And neither one returned my phone calls.  Of course, that could be because they already assumed I had been taken to the local sanitarium after hearing my blubbering message that went something like this.  “I only have on one shoe, and I forget everything, and I want to be like you.  Or like Celia Rivenbark.  Wait, is this Dave Barry I’m calling?  If this is Celia that I’ve called, I want to be like you being like Dave.  Now I’ve confused myself.  See what I mean?  Don’t you agree I need a writing studio?  Please call back and tell Chief Money Maker you agree!”

                Chief Money Maker needed to hear no more, and determined that it would be best that he provide a place for me in our home where he can lock me away, I mean, where I can get some peace and quiet.  We decided to turn one half of our third garage into a writing studio.  But given that I am not Celia Rivenbark or Dave Barry (i.e. I’m not yet published) we decided to do the room on a theme.  A budget theme.  A very lowwwwww budget theme of two hundred dollars.  We will research bargain purchases, repurpose existing items in our home, and use the very cheap labor (i.e. free) of the crumb snatchers, to accomplish our goal.

                We hope to go from this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, well maybe not that, but something close.  Follow my blog over the next few weeks as our project comes to life and maybe, just maybe, you too can build your own escape…and stop hiding out in the washer!

© 2011 CThacker

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2 thoughts on “The Building of My Sanitarium

  1. Chief Money Maker Wisdom: Better to build Mama Bread Baker a writer’s studio than be hit upside head with frying pan. Also, why did Mama Bread Baker make me shave when George Clooney doesn’t have to shave??

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