Project Sanitarium: Conception and Materials


          The very lowwwww budget project, Building of My Sanitarium, has begun. As mentioned in my last blog, we plan to do this project by utilizing crumb snatcher labor because it’s free. When we told the crumb snatchers of our idea, The Eldest said, “I’m moving out.” The other four immediately chimed in unison, “Can we go with you?”

          Ok, so The Eldest has really moved out, but I think it had more to do with his no longer being a child than our renovation project.  I’m sad to see him go, but I guess all crumb snatchers must eventually venture out in search of their own crumbs. I will miss the time we spent together every day. I cherished the thirty seconds bonding time we would enjoy as he descended from his upstairs habitat and flew through the house yelling out, “I’m going to insert one of the following: <school, work, my friends house, none of your business>.” On the positive side, I now have a full fifty-seven seconds each day to complete a train of thought without interruption. If you read my last blog you would know that I previously had twenty-seven seconds. And-unless you are in the public education system where you receive credit simply for knowing that seconds are a measure of time-twenty-seven and thirty add up to fifty-seven! Now I can do allllll those things I’ve been putting off for years. Like this room project.

           Given Chief Money Maker’s mandate to build a Queen’s castle on a pauper’s budget, he began an extensive search of the internet for ideas. Of course, any time Chief Money Maker searches the internet, it’s extensive. I can only Google for approximately one and a half minutes before inevitably pulling up some obscure porn site, yelling a curse word, then giving up and going to the library to check out the Dewey decimal system. Chief Money Maker, however, is an endless internet searcher. 

          After three showerless days of internet searching for a room concept-and me tossing out ideas that were either budget busting, just plain weird, or required we import products and children from China-he came up with his once a year brilliant idea.  It was great timing too since Google gave him a pop up that read, “Please use another search engine.  I quit!” Sitting on our back porch, he looked out at our fence and said, “What about a wall of fence boards?” I, of course, immediately responded, “Are you calling me fat?” (Fence boards, animals, pigs…come on, you get the connection!)

          After assuring me that he wasn’t calling me fat, then handing me a lite beer, he explained his concept. Take old fence boards, cut them in different lengths, and place them horizontally across the wall. I suddenly envisioned a quaint New England country themed room. And the accountant inside me started calculating the amount of money I could move from his construction budget to my decorating budget. I liked it!

          The next step was to figure out how to obtain the boards. He suggested we don black clothing and knock down someone’s fence under the cover of night. I suggested we just call a fence builder and ask if they were replacing anyone’s fence, and we might  be able to haul off the old fence boards for them. He whined, “I thought this was supposed to be a fun project?” but acquiesced to my sensibilities. One phone call later, we were given an address where we could grab about forty-eight feet of old fencing board.

          Given that all the crumb snatchers had managed to hide from us now that work was involved, we called upon Chief Money Maker’s nephew, Rainbow, to help. Fate would have it that the address where the boards were located, and the soccer field that Rainbow needed to get to, were in immediate proximity of one another. And apparently we were having a five star horoscope day, because Rainbow needed a ride! We leveraged a ride for muscle. (Don’t let the photo fool you, he wasn’t really exerting THAT much energy.)

          With boards obtained, Chief Money Maker made a list of the remaining items he would need for construction. I noticed framing studs on the list so, in an effort to be of assistance, I researched the cost. Although I could see the need for them, I was worried about our budget. I brought my concerns to Chief Money Maker.

“Not THOSE kind of framing studs!” he exclaimed.

          Emulating his whining tone from earlier in the day I said, “I thought this was supposed to be a fun project?”

And that’s how the fight started.

          But I digress. The next step involved removing the boards from their sections and knocking out the nails.  Wolfy and Gummi Bear, unable to remain in hiding for fear of starving to death, came out to ask, “What’s for dinner?” 

          I threw the potato sacks over their heads and yelled, “I’ve got two!”  Chief Money Maker quickly appeared and assigned them the task of board/nail removal.  Awwww, don’t they just look like they are never fed?

          Later, Sweet Pea (with boyfriend in tow) began her hunger complaints.  I lassoed them while yelling out, “I’ve got two more!”  Ahhhh, the benefits of not purchasing microwavable meals are immeasurable!  Chief Money Maker put them to work washing down the boards.

          With operation board preparation completed, project “Building of My Sanitarium” is ready for takeoff.  Chief Money Maker is still pouting a little about the framing studs incident, but I’ll feed him later and he’ll be fine.  More on our project on the 6 P.M. news…or my next blog. 

© 2011 CThacker


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