Yesterday on Yahoo’s home page, I caught the headline for the video pick of the day…”9 Men Rescue Moose Trapped in Pool.” So, obviously, I wanted to check out the 9 men in the video. And while checking out the 9 men in the video, I noticed that the moose in all of its stubborn glory reminded me of our teenagers. The more the men pulled and tugged and coaxed, all in the best interest of the moose, the harder and harder the moose fought against them. Yeah, that’s teenagers.
You can check out the video here, but don’t forget to come back and read the rest of the blog. http://tinyurl.com/4yrkn93
The video made me wonder in what other ways our crumb snatchers might be likened to that silly moose that fell into some unsuspecting man’s swimming pool in New Hampshire. I’m guessing the moose, probably on a dare from his other moose friends, succumbed to the peer pressure and charged into the back yard and dove into the pool. But if you watch the video closely you will notice that all his moose friends apparently left him hanging once they realized he was in trouble. I think I’ll show the video to the crumb snatchers and let that little lesson speak for itself. Just say no!
The whole moose in the pool video also reminded me of a story that The Eldest once told me. I’ve always told the children they come to me with anything. So in that spirit of open communication, The Eldest told me of pool party held by his baseball team his senior year. He relayed how cool it was to skateboard off the roof of a house into a swimming pool. The Eldest has always excelled academically, but I’ve never claimed he held an abundance of common sense. I explained to him that there were some things you just don’t tell Mama’s and skateboarding off the roof of a house into a swimming pool was number one on the list.
Now curious as to what other ways our children might be similar to the moose, I did a little research. According to Wikipedia, I learned that the moose needs to eat about 9,770 calories a day to maintain its body weight. A quick breakdown of Wolfy’s recent eating habits confirmed that he was, indeed, eating like a moose. His school’s food service program recently began an online program where parents can log in and see what their crumb snatchers are eating at school. In one day Wolfy consumed a breakfast meal, a lunch meal, an additional lunch entrée, two sports drinks, and cupcakes. And that was just between the time he left here and returned home.
Wikipedia also notated that the moose’s energy comes from “terrestrial vegetation.” I’m not sure what exactly terrestrial vegetation is, but I’m sure it resembles the concoction that Gummi Bear recently made at Yogurt Mountain. If you don’t have one in your area, Yogurt Mountain has designed the most efficient, and apparently legal, method to rob parents of their money. Unlike your traditional ice cream parlors where you can order a single, double, or triple scoop, Yogurt Mountain has 383 different flavors of yogurt and every topping conceivable to man. They hand you a cup and allow you to make your own “yogurt mountain” and then they charge you by the ounce. Gummi Bear made his treat by combining 382 of the yogurt flavors, leaving out only pistachio because its color resembled baby diaper poo, and topped his desert with every topping available…and then topped it again. It certainly looked terrestrial to me.
I figured it would be more difficult to compare Sweet Pea to the moose, but I figured wrong. Right there in the middle of the Wikipedia page, it talked about the moose’s social structure. Apparently the moose calves like to stay near their mothers at all times, unless a cute male moose asks them to a dance. I recently went on a weekend trip to Atlanta and Sweet Pea put on an impressive display of pouting the night before I left. I explained that I needed a life too and when she responded, “I am your life,” I laughed at the joke she was making. Then she didn’t laugh. Then she asked why I was laughing. Then I realized she wasn’t joking. It appears that when the time comes, I’m going to have to chase Sweet Pea off just like a mama moose has to chase off its yearling.
And just when I thought there was no way in the world I could relate a blog about a moose and the crumb snatchers to driving and the high cost of auto insurance, I thought wrong. Wikipedia dedicated an entire section on the moose to “Vehicle collisions.” Apparently moose don’t always obey the laws of traffic, nor utilize the painted cross walks, when interacting with humans and vehicles. Moose warning signs are used in areas where the moose are especially active. I’m a huge proponent of “Teenaged Driver” warning signs in areas such as the mall, the movie theaters, and any fast food establishment.
The moose does have some redemptive qualities in that their milk can be sold and it appears they can be domesticated. This is where all similarities between the crumb snatchers and the moose ends. And now that I’ve done my research, I can’t help but wonder why I didn’t just get a moose.
© 2011 CThacker