It appears that I have been a bit neglectful of my blog recently. I’ve received thousands of emails asking what happened to it. (Okay, so it was really just one email, but I’m sure thousands have been wondering.) I would explain why I haven’t devoted as much time to my blog, but the Judge placed a gag order on me and I can’t explain until she dies, or has to resign the bench for accepting bribes under the table. That reminds me, I need to transfer some money from my super secret PayPal account.
Anyway, we’ve had some recent occurrences that have required discussions with the crumb snatchers about Nebbies. If you’ve never heard the word nebby, it comes from the Pittsburgh, PA area and means meddlesome or spiteful. There’s your vocabulary lesson for the week. Now all together, let’s use it in a sentence. (You can add your sentence in the comment section below.)
Nebbies also promote gossip and rumors and can often be found on the squares of small towns, or watching Jersey Shore. I believe it’s simply in the DNA of the people that thrive on such behaviors. They just can’t seem to stop being meddlesome and spiteful. These traits are more commonly seen in women.
Statistics (that I just made up) show 98% of guys really don’t care about gossip. Approach a guy with the sentence, “Did you hear about…” and once they realize you aren’t talking about a great play that was made in NFL football, they just tune you out. But those females that have the “nebby gene” (as I like to call it) will almost knock you over trying to get close enough to soak up the particles of gossip about to be disbursed into the universe. And if they’ve gone too long without someone disbursing those particles, they’ll just make something up and spread it themselves. It also doesn’t matter how untrue, or outrageous the juicy morsel of gossip is, a Nebby will fanatically hold to their fiction as if it were the Holy Spirit inspired Word of God.
I accidentally spread a rumor one time and I’ve really felt bad about it since it happened. Several years ago Chief Money Maker, Aunt Sassy, and I were at an event and we were killing time before the event’s start by noticing how many “thin-challenged” people in the crowd were wearing the color lime green. We made it a contest to see how many we could spot. Bonus points were awarded if you actually knew the person. Lo and behold, across the auditorium I spotted a hefty female I knew and she was wearing lime green slacks. I yelled, “Twenty points for me!”
They turned in the direction of my finger pointing and Aunt Sassy said, “Where? The Lime Green Whale over there?” Now we don’t usually condone name-calling in our household, but Aunt Sassy’s filter between her brain and mouth doesn’t always function correctly. Unfortunately, there was a Nebby behind me and she also knew the person I spotted. I knew if I didn’t set things straight, it would soon be all over the town that this poor woman was actually a lime green whale.
I explained, “No, no, no, she’s not really a whale. Whales can’t live on land. Anymore.”
I could see the Nebby wasn’t truly convinced and I said, “Besides, whales have blubber. That’s only fat on her arse.” (I don’t think I actually said “arse” but I’ve always thought it looked cool in a sentence.)
The Nebby looked at me and said, “Fat IS blubber.” I knew right then that I had inadvertently started a rumor that would probably be circulated via text to everyone in town within five minutes. “Did you know so-and-so is actually a WHALE???” Next thing we knew, the village people (not THE VILLAGE PEOPLE) were forming a search and rescue team to return this poor hefty woman in her lime green slacks to Sea World. See how damaging a Nebby can be?
So because of that, Chief Money Maker and I work really hard to teach the crumb snatchers that it isn’t nice to gossip or be a Nebby. We also tell them to keep in mind the old adage, “Don’t believe anything you read and only half of what you see…and if you see it on Jersey Shore, don’t believe it all.” We think those are important words to live by.