Chief Money Maker has a master’s degree. Along the way he took microeconomics and macroeconomics. However, he was never schooled with the financial knowledge he would need once he obtained a girl.
Last week, Sweet Pea batted her eyes and told Chief Money Maker she needed a pedicure. He said, “But we’re leaving in the morning for a softball tournament. No one will see your toes.” Sweet Pea fluttered her lashes again and said, “They will in the hotel room.” Shaking his head, he handed over his wallet and walked away muttering, “In what universe does that even make sense?” Welcome to your Ph.D. course in Teenage Girl Economics 101.
Sweet Pea has also been invited to the prom in May. Chief Money Maker, being a boy for most of his life, didn’t understand why we needed to begin dress shopping in January. He now knows it was to give him time to process a second mortgage. He was okay with that at first. He assumed she could wear the same dress her junior and senior year. It was like yanking a pacifier from a baby when Sweet Pea explained it didn’t work that way. He desperately sought to reason that maybe she could at least skip her junior year and wear the dress again her senior year. He’s now researching how to obtain a third and fourth mortgage.
There was a brief moment when he thought the prom economics might work in his favor. A friend of her cousin’s needed a date for prom at a different school. She explained that if she went to that prom she could wear the same dress. She smiled and said it would be like he bought two dresses for half a second mortgage each instead of one dress for a whole second mortgage. For a nanosecond he thought he’d gotten a bargain. Then he opened his wallet and realized either way, it was still empty.
He is also learning about the seasonal clothing requirements involved with girls. Spring is here, mandating new flip-flops. He looked down at the Crocs he’s worn for the past five years and started to question what happened to last spring’s flip-flops. Instead he just handed us his wallet. I married him because he’s a quick learner!
The advantage of having a girl is that he has come to appreciate the boys. Last night G-Bear brought me a pair of shorts that had a rip in the derriere. He asked if I could repair them. The best I could do was to apply a patch. When I asked why he didn’t want a new pair he said, “I like these shorts. I’ve had them since they were below my knees.” Tears rimmed Chief Money Maker’s eyes. With voice cracking he said, “I love you son.”
From his sandbox days, Chief Money Maker knew girls weren’t the same as boys. He just didn’t realize how different they were until he had one. He watched in amazement this past weekend as eighteen girls prepared for their softball tournament. They sat in the hotel lobby braiding hair and choosing ribbons. Game preparation for Wolfy and G-Bear simply involves one question. “Did you remember your cup?”
There is one aspect of having a girl that Chief Money Maker is enjoying. He gets to pull out his revolver for cleaning when boys come-a-calling. Just don’t tell anyone that he can’t afford actual bullets to put in the gun.
As summer approaches, we’ll introduce him to Teenage Girl Economics 102. Tanning salons. I have a feeling he’s going to ask, “What’s wrong with the sun? It’s free!”
© 2012 CThacker