1. The pillows that come with your Bed-In-A-Bag set never look the same on your bed as they did in the photo. The pillows they use for the photo shoot are genetically altered, steroid-enhanced pillows. The ones you receive are their southern inbred cousins that just lie limp daring you to criticize their lazy attempt at fluff.
2. Six months after you pay off any vehicle—give or take one day—your engine will blow. The cost for a new engine will be exactly 25% of the original vehicle price—give or take one penny. To avoid this issue, never pay off your vehicle. Refinance when you have one payment left and spread the payments out for as long as the bank will allow.
3. The minute you plan a day for yourself, at least one crumb snatcher will end up in the principal’s office and you will be called in to discuss your child’s inability to keep their hands to themselves. If you were especially brave and scheduled a massage, one or more crumb snatchers will end up in the emergency room.
4. If you decide to add an inground swimming pool to your property, you will meet every neighbor the minute the backhoe arrives—even the creepy ones who you normally only see after dark.
5. A text you intended to send to your current spouse—that calls your ex-spouse a no good rotten piece of feces—always goes to the ex-spouse. It doesn’t matter if you checked the contact name multiple times before sending.
6. Lower calorie, healthy snack options you bought for your own snacks—whether or not they contain fiber—will be eaten by the crumb snatchers immediately before they consume the Oreos and Doritos you bought for their snacks.
7. If you decide to place your home for sale on the market, termites will swarm in protest, the roof will leak, the toilet will overflow, and the dishwasher will stop working. You can apologize to your home for your desire to leave it, but it will continue to punish you for at least six months for even having the thought.
8. The one show you set your DVR to record will be erased, leaving only 480 episodes of “Sons of Gun.”
9. You will NEVER run into anyone you know after paying your stylist an arm and a leg to highlight, cut, and style your hair. You are, however, guaranteed to run into your spouses ex when you go to the grocery store in sweats, no make-up, and with your hair in a frizzy bun on top of your head. Furthermore, they will have just come from the sylist after having their hair highlighted, cut, and styled.
10. You will not be able for the life of you to think up a 10th lesser known Murphy’s Law when you title your blog “10 Lesser Known Murphy’s Laws.”
And with today’s bonus post, I’ll leave you with a bonus quote:
“Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. It just makes me cranky.”
© 2012 CThacker