How We Make Our Marriage Last Longer Than Kim Kardashian’s


Like peace in the Middle East, I wasn’t sure making it to our one year wedding anniversary was possible.  But Chief Money Maker and I did it against all possible odds—and I’m richer today for it.  No really, I am.  I just cashed in my bet with the Tunica bookies.  I always bet the long shot.  Let’s get real.  Who would have thought that two Leos, both previously married, living in a house with five crumb snatchers and three dogs would have a marriage that lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s? 

Kim Kardashian Fragrance Launch, Glendale, CA ...

I vow to love, honor, and make lots of money off our wedding.

A few of you reading this might have laid down some bets on our marriage too.  Don’t pretend like it doesn’t happen.  We’ve all been there.  The violinist is softly playing, the usher lights the candles, the groom walks in looking like a man taking a death row walk, and the bridal march begins to play.  As she reaches the alter, the bride and groom gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes and you lean over to the person next to you and say, “I give it six months.”

You might ask what is the key to our long-lasting marital bliss?  Well, it’s a combination of things: good communication, unconditional love, and the threat of making good on the life insurance policy.  When Chief Money Maker asked for my hand in marriage, I said yes (obviously) but I gave him this full disclosure.  With love brimming over from the depths of my soul, I looked deep into his eyes and said, “I will marry you, but remember this.  I won’t be divorced again.  I don’t mind being a widow, but I won’t be divorced.”  He’s either the bravest man on this planet, or his driveway doesn’t go all the way to the street, if ya know what I mean.

Our anniversary was ushered in without much fanfare, and we closed the night while sipping champagne on our patio.  We reflected on the events of the last year.  Another key to a successful marriage is to always examine where you’ve been and where you would like to go.  He talked about his career success over the past year, how he’d learned what it means to have a daughter, and how he felt he could improve as a husband.  I told him I wanted to go to Hawaii.  I love champagne. 

A picture taken, of Champagne.

The bubbles make me giggly!

I also love my anniversary gift.  The anniversary gift tradition goes back hundreds, maybe even millions of years.  Once upon a time, some poor cavehusband screwed up big time.  He stormed out of the cave and sat at the tavern drinking all night with his cavebuddies.  After listening to them complain about how their cavewives never swept the dirt floors, never picked the nits out of the cavekids hair, and couldn’t fry a dinosaur egg on a rock, he decided he didn’t have it so bad.  He went out and found a shiny gold rock in the creek bed and brought it home for his wife as an apology.  It just happened to coincide with their wedding date, so the wedding anniversary gift tradition was born.  I don’t really know if that’s true, but it certainly sounds plausible.

Caveman stick figure.

I've asked you three times to take out the rotting sabertooth tiger carcass!

Anyway, the traditional first anniversary gift is paper.  Because Chief Money Maker loves me—and because he fears gettin’ dead—he gave me a signed contract for a swimming pool in our backyard.  My paper gift to him?  A signed check for the deposit—from his account, of course.  Ahhh, love is bliss. 

I will leave you today with one of Chief Money Maker’s favorite toasts—which Wolfy delivered perfectly at our wedding.  “May the best memories of the past be the worst memories of your future.” 

And with mine.  “May we be friends until we are old and senile—then we’ll be new friends.”

© 2012 CThacker


7 thoughts on “How We Make Our Marriage Last Longer Than Kim Kardashian’s

  1. Pingback: Year-Round or Beat Down? Why I’m Against Summer Breaks! | Crumb Snatcher Tales

  2. Pingback: wedding gift refund | Keys To Happy Marriage

  3. It’s been a year already? I guess I owe Jimmy some cash…j/k.
    I could have told you Chief’s driveway didn’t make it…I know for a fact it isn’t paved at all!

    May you always have enough happiness to keep you sweet, trials to keep you strong, success to make you eager, friends to give you comfort, wealth to meet your needs, enthusiasm to look for tomorrow, and a growing love to make each day better than the day before.

  4. At our wedding, the best man had Chris put his hands over mine…and then told him “this my friend, will be the last time you have the upper hand!” Boy was he right!!!!! 🙂 Love you both, Happy Anniversary again Thackers!

  5. Congratulations on your anniversary! I remember the Chief offering his favorite toast at my wedding, but I love yours!

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