I want to discuss a very delicate subject this week and I will need to tread lightly. Please note that I pondered long and hard about whether or not this subject should be broached. As an aspiring humorist, I work hard to maintain a lighthearted atmosphere in my blog posts. Oh who am I kidding!? I was ready to jump all over this topic like a 3-year-old jumps on a happy meal!
I came across an article this morning that stated some idiots parents are allowing their teenagers to have sex in their homes. Milk-a-wha?????? Apparently this topic was all abuzz on Twitter and the news this past summer. I must have missed the hullabaloo while I was busy organizing our family’s annual Barrel of Monkeys competition. I’ve decided to reopen that can of worms and fire up that topic again for several reasons:
1) It deals with sex and sex sells.
2) It’s controversial and controversy sells.
And most importantly:
3) I can’t remember…maybe I’ll think of it by the end of this post.
First of all, let me say that under certain circumstances, I would not be opposed to the crumb snatchers bumping uglies in our home. What would those circumstances be, you might ask? Well I’m glad you did, ‘cause I was going to tell you anyway.
Circumstances Under Which The Crumb Snatchers Can Have Sex In Our Home
When we’re dead and gone, you’ve bought out your sibling’s share of our home, and you’ve moved into it with your husband and children then you may “park the car in the garage of love”—the first Tuesday of every month like normal married people.
(The preceding opinion is that of the author’s. The printing herein does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the owner of this blog. However, since they are one and the same, it kinda does. I just think legal disclaimers are pretty cool.)
Ok, ok, maybe those circumstances are a little overboard. They can pick any day that first week of the month. See, I’m a flexible parent.
I was really flabbergasted at the logic behind this idea. Something about how they’re going to do it anyway and allowing it at home is cleaner and safer than the woods. I have to admit, I’m a little jealous if someone has a teenager with a room cleaner than the woods!
Look, Chief Money Maker and I aren’t naïve. We know that our crumb snatchers have hormones surging through their bodies like water flows over Niagra Falls. We talk openly to them about sex, protection, consequences, sexually transmitted diseases, and how it’s not really anything like you see in the movies. Come on—you know your hair never looks that good after doing the bad boogey!
I believe there is a fine line between openly discussing sex with your teenagers and opening your home for bouncing the pogo stick. That line in our house is the six inches of personal space they must maintain at all times or Chief Money Maker gets antsy with his trigger finger. I can’t help but wonder—if you allow it to occur in your home with your knowledge, what’s the next step? Do you toss ‘em up a cigarette when they’re done with the naughty?
You might also think that teenagers across the board are all for this idea, but you would think incorrectly. In the video interview from Good Morning America, one of the teenagers on the panel said that by openly approving sex in your home, you are eliminating one of their strongest arguments to their boyfriends for not doing the naked dance—The “My Parents Will Kill Me” argument. Now that’s a girl whose had some proper raising.
Oh, that just reminded me of my third reason for this post.
3) I wanted to send a message to our crumb snatchers—See above teenager’s argument for not having sex.
I have to go now. I just read another headline that needs my attention:
“Granny ‘drug kingpin’ busted in Oklahoma”
It’s a crazy world…………
© 2012 CThacker