I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt–and Other Uncool Things To Do and Say Around Your Teenagers!


We all want to be cool, right?  Word up!  Except “word up” hasn’t been the code word since 1986, despite the song’s lyrics claiming otherwise.  In terms of temperature, my “coolness” reading rises and falls as quickly as MC Hammer. 

Look Look Look

You can’t touch this but the IRS can!

On good days, I’m fortunate to have children that tolerate me.  Let’s not even discuss the bad days.  I’m just thankful that I’ve reached the age when my children know more than I do.  For example, I don’t know where I would be without Sweet Pea’s fashion advice.  Apparently, it isn’t cool to shop for groceries in my yellow ducky lounging pants with my “Writer Chick” t-shirt.  I argued, “But I’m theme coordinated!”  She hitched a ride home.

I’ve also learned that what one crumb snatcher finds cool, the others may not.  I received an assignment to cover the Tennessee Titans Caravan at a local elementary school where I would also interview a Titans player.  G-Bear, when I relayed the news, shrugged his shoulders and said “Eh.”  My coolness temp registered below freezing.  The Eldest, however, thought I was wayyyyy cool and went on the assignment with me as my photographer. 

Tennessee Titans logo

Circumstances can quickly change what I deem as cool.  We checked in at the office and the staff recognized my name from my column.  Cool.  Then they scanned my I.D. and the computer spit out a name tag that identified me as “Reri Hacker.”  Not cool—no offense to Reri.  The computer gave The Eldest a name tag with only his first and middle name, which we all know means you are so cool that a last name isn’t required.

We were then taken to the Titan bus to interview Jared Cook, the Titans tight end.  Cool.   Then the Eldest got us thrown from the bus when he taunted that Cook would be eating turf—and not the kind normally joined by surf—on 10/11 against the Steelers.  Not cool.  Suddenly, being Reri Hacker wasn’t so bad after all. 

It’s also strange to see what young children find cool these days.  As we left the school, The Eldest received high-fives from an entire line of six-year-olds.  He thinks it was because he looked cool with the camera hanging from his neck.  I say they thought he was Ronald McDonald and they hoped to score a happy meal.

The shirt also explains why he was kicked from the Titans bus!

So if you want to be considered cool by your teenagers, here are some Do’s and Don’ts:

                DO:  Ignore them completely when they are in the midst of their peers.

                DON’T:  Yell out “Yo Sup Homes?”

                DO:  Cook a ham for Sunday dinner

                DON’T:  Tell your teen you’re going to “Go all HAM” on their teacher

                DO:  Show your pleasure when your teen brings you exciting news         

                DON’T:  Shout out “Oh-em-gee, that’s freaking awesome fo sho!”

It’s hard to be a cool parent and the standards change from day to day.  Just remember that “this too shall pass.”  I gotta bounce now.  The crumb snatchers might think I’m trippin’ but here’s what I have to say to that:


© 2012 CThacker


5 thoughts on “I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt–and Other Uncool Things To Do and Say Around Your Teenagers!

  1. I used to try to be cool, I had to stop though for fear that one of the times my daughter rolled her eyes at me they might never come back down again and the eye Drs. told me I would need to re-mortgage the mortgage for even a shot at fixing her.

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