From A-Z Graduates Get Their Key to the Future…or the Local Convenience Store Bathroom


Prom season is over and graduation season has arrived.  Unfortunately, none of the crumb snatchers are graduating this year.  Not from college, high school, middle school, or Starbucks barista training.  Chief Money Maker’s nephew, Rainbow, however did graduate from high school this past weekend. 


graduation (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

In a solemn ceremony filled with speeches about their bright futures—minus the statistical data on how many will be married, divorced, and crushed under the weight of student loans by their ten year reunion—the graduates crossed the stage and received the key to their future.  Given the whoops and hollers of relief that many students received, I’d venture to guess that their key will be good for opening the bathroom doors for customers at the local corner convenience store.

Graduation brings mixed emotions for the parents.  It’s the day you thought was eons away when you sent your little one off for the first day of kindergarten with their Scooby-Doo lunch box and Crayola crayons.  I always had the 8 count box which is why I never got to hang out with the cool kids.  I bought the 24 count for the crumb snatchers.  If you start them off with the 64 count, then next it’s the markers, and before you know it they expect you to make the down payment on their first home.  Trust me—the lessons of moderation begin in kindergarten.

World-famous Crayola crayons are manufactured ...

It all starts with a 64 count box of crayons!

It’s also the day you fervently prayed would arrive once your child reached their teen years and knew significantly more than you.  And when their rooms started to smell like a local land-fill.

Graduation also brings gift-giving time.  People send money, towels, sheets, and other gifts that say, “We’re so proud of you, now get out of your parents home!”

Advice abounds during graduation season.  Some of my favorites come from Wes Smith in his book “Welcome to the Real World.”

  • Hardly anyone cares that you chugged 13 beers without throwing up last night.
  • No worthwhile conversation ever began at a bar with ferns.
  • Never introduce your girlfriend to a wealthy widower.

And I would like to pass along a bit Mama Bread Baker’s own advice for those heading off to college.

  • Join a social group.  You’ll need some friends that are bound by the oaths you recited on hell night to make sure the photos of the party never get posted to Facebook.
  • Buy the cafeteria plan your freshman year.  It won’t be until after Biology 102 before you can determine if the amount of mold on your roommate’s leftover pizza is lethal.
  • When your roommate heads out to do laundry, offer to keep an eye on it for them.  If they accept, you can toss yours in with theirs. 
  • Call your mother once a week.  You’ll want her to make you a real meal when you come home to visit.
  • Call your father once a week.  Should the need arise, you’ll want him to be available to bail you out of jail and to keep it from your mother.

Congratulations to 2012 Seniors!

And for those with crumb snatcher graduating from kindergarten, take a few moments to check out this cute post by Jenn McClory, another blogger. Why Kindergarten Graduations Are Confusing (

© 2012 CThacker


3 thoughts on “From A-Z Graduates Get Their Key to the Future…or the Local Convenience Store Bathroom

  1. I have 3 down 3 to go, however homeschooling graduations are significantly different from the traditional ones… there is a lot more likelihood they will leave home 😀

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