Year-Round or Beat Down? Why I’m Against Summer Breaks!

12 Comments

I’m a proponent of year-round schools.  Now before you start whining that without a full summer break Little Johnny and Suzie won’t be able to hunt frogs, or discover that they have different parts “down there,” or get gunned down in a     drive-by shooting, let me speak.  Before you complain that Tommy Jr. won’t be able to sit around all day shooting zombies while talking on his headset with some 48 year-old pedophile still living in his mother’s basement, hear me out.

 

English: Zombies

The kids will be safer in schools when the zombie apocalypse breaks out.

 Year-round schools are in session the same number of days as traditional schools.  The only difference is that the breaks are spread out differently; minimizing the amount of time they remain at home driving you insane.  Are you feeling me now?  It also allows for more time to process your 401K loan to restock the pantry before their next break.

The crumb snatchers have been out of school for 3 weeks, 5 days, 20 hours, 26 minutes, and 48 seconds—give or take a few seconds depending on internet speed at time of posting.  In that timeframe, my writing has been interrupted 3,827 times.  The front door has been opened 1,794 times.  And Unilever stock has risen solely due to the crumb snatcher’s consumption of Fudgsicles.  In my opinion, that is time better served in biology learning euphemisms for the anatomically correct names of female parts that apparently can no longer be said on the congressional floor.

Fudgsicle wrapper

My next campaign will be to have the “No Sugar Added” removed from the front of the box. Crossing it out with a sharpie isn’t fooling the crumb snatchers!

When the crumb snatchers return in August, they will spend the first few weeks reviewing what they forgot from the last few weeks of the previous year.  Sweet Pea recently asked if beef jerky was made from deer meat.  Granted, she transferred from Mississippi to Tennessee in the middle of her freshman year, knocking her out of sync with the whole southern teachings of wild game and how to eat them.   But I’m sure, had she been in year-round school, she would have been taught the distinction.

G-Bear was bored so he researched how to build a paintball gun with PVC pipe and medicine bottles.  I found our medications scattered all over the bathroom counter.  I’m suspicious that my hormone medication was interchanged with Chief Money Maker’s little blue pills.  For the last three weeks he’s done nothing but watch Lifetime movies while complaining that I never listen to him.  Meanwhile, I’ve gained 20 pounds from sitting at the bar drinking beer all day.  When I come home, I throw him my sexiest look, burp, and ask if he wants to “get busy.” He just starts crying.  This tragedy could have been avoided had G-Bear been in year-round school.

We had a plan of action to minimize the impact of the crumb snatchers being home all summer.  We decided to have a swimming pool built so our threats of drowning them would be taken a little more seriously than they were in previous summers.  But since that project is coming to fruition about as quickly as peace in the Middle East, I think it’s time to load up the crumb snatchers, drop them off at the contractors house and tell him I’ll pick them up when the pool is done.  I can    ga-ron-teee that’ll put some pep in his step.

I need wayyyyyy more water than this to drown the crumb snatchers!

Year-round school not only leads to healthier, well-adjusted children, it also minimizes co-pays for Xanax prescriptions.  No Child Left Behind and Obomacare wrapped into one—it’s a win-win situation.

I have to go now.  I just heard the last wrapper removed from a Fudgsicle and Chief Money Maker is crying that no one ever thinks about him.  I need more beer.

© 2012 CThacker

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12 thoughts on “Year-Round or Beat Down? Why I’m Against Summer Breaks!

  1. Pingback: “Y” is for: Y Weren’t U @ Skool – 10 Pre-Written Excuses for Teenaged Tardiness/Absence | Crumbsnatcher Tales

  2. Absolutely! I have my daughter in camp all summer to keep her occupied and to keep myself sane. It’s expensive, but sooo worth it. It’s not like we need the kids home to help on the farm during the summer anymore… 3 months of vacation is just wasted. 2 or 3 weeks every now and then would be a welcome break. A whole summer is just a planning nightmare.

  3. Hilarious, I particularly like the part where the meds get mixed up 😀 If you can’t wait for the pool the bathtub will work fine… tell them you dropped a twenty in there and they’ll off themselves looking for it.

  4. This was absolutely fabulous! I’m STILL laughing! The idea of you sitting at the bar drinking beer all day, while Chief Money Maker watches Lifetime was just too much…
    Tami

    • If nothing else comes of this, I have a greater respect for Chief and his job, which apparently requires taking clients to consume large quantities of alcohol so they’ll sign contracts with his company. Those bar stools aren’t very comfortable, ya know. I also hope he catches a rerun of the Lorena Bobbitt story before the hormones wear off and he stops watching Lifetime.

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