Wikipedia dubbed the date’s descriptive marker as the “2012 Phenomenon” but I can guarantee that those Wiki guys wouldn’t know a phenomenon if it walked up and talked in that Allstate insurance guy’s voice.
“You’re in good hands with Allstate.”
Big deal if the Mayan calendar abruptly ends on December 21, 2012 and the Mayans can’t flip the page to a snow covered Mesoamerican January view? I’ve got stronger phenomenal proof the world is ending.
None of the crumb snatchers have Christmas lists.
This holiday hitch has me completely dumbfounded. I have no idea what to do with the time I normally spend scurrying from trunk vendor to trunk vendor seeking economic relief on the latest and greatest requests—otherwise known as “ridiculously priced” items—from the crumb snatchers wish lists. Could this be the year they’ve all at once realized it’s better to give than to receive?
Sometimes I crack myself up with the questions I ask.
With all the extra time on my hands, I began preparing for the end of the world—just in case. I spent three weeks deep-cleaning, organizing, and uncluttering our home. I’m sure that seems a little odd considering most people probably scheduled their holiday cleaning help to come on December 22nd. No point in paying for something you might not get to use, right? Right.
I’m a teensy-weensy bit obsessive-compulsive about my cleaning. I just wouldn’t feel right leaving this world with a dirty house. Someone pat me on the back for my courteous consideration of the aliens, zombies, or Kardashians that plan to take over the world on December 21st.
Plus, the new medication Doctor Do Very Little, M.D. gave me for my menopause symptoms turned me into a freak cleaning machine. I stopped taking the pills so I could slip them into the crumb snatchers dinner plates. Why should I do the work if I can turn them into freak cleaning machines?
It’s a good thing I did too, because The Colonel and Mrs. Colonel—my in-laws—are coming for a visit. Now I can stop worrying that a dust bunny might hop out from behind the TV and kidnap them for ransom. Grandma and Uncle Kablong—my mother and brother—are coming for a visit this month too. Which leads me to the additional proof the world is ending; Grandma said she was looking forward to the visit.
Speaking of phenomenal, the crumb snatchers pulled a fast one on Chief Money Maker on Thanksgiving Day. As a result, he will dress as Santa to deliver gifts to a family at St. Jude’s this year. Not to be out-witted by the witless, he managed to coral some elves to assist.
While I was busy laughing at the mess each one had gotten themselves into, they all turned to me and said:
“What’s so funny? YOU have to make everyone’s costume!”
Any chance the world might end before December 21st?
© 2012 CThacker