Headline: Week Ending 1/11/12 – Mama Bread Baker Suspected of Housing a Lion


The writing prompt for the day challenged:

Write a supermarket tabloid article.  Make it as unbelievable as possible.

So I wrote this:

Kinda Associated Press:

Sources close to Mama Bread Baker, who wish to remain unnamed for fear of being eaten alive, recently revealed that life for the crumbsnatchers isn’t quite the way it’s portrayed in her nationally syndicated column and blog read by tens of subscribers. 

The source claims that Mama Bread Baker is currently under surveillance by the police department on suspicion of murder.  Regular readers of her column will note that The Nephew disappeared from the blog this summer and has not been heard from since.  

Bartlett Police Chief refused to comment on whether the surveillance claims are true or not.  “It’s the policy of this department not to confirm or deny questions of this nature.  I suggest you talk to your local meat wholesaler, though, and ask about the increased sales in the quantity of ground lamb, goat, and zebra.”

 “They only person I’ve murdered is Haley’s ex-husband, Richard.”  She goes on to claim that she’s speaking of characters in her novel. 

The windows to the garage at 1234 Thacker Lane are covered with black plastic that Mama alleges blocks the sun’s rays from heating the garage.  “With so many kids in our family we have to take  measures to cut expenses.  We did get a new cat, but trust me; there isn’t a lion  in our garage. ”

For a household with so many residents, it was eerily quiet with no other family meandering the residence during our interview.  A steak sat on the counter marinating with an empty bottle of Dale’s fajita sauce by its side.  “That’s for Chief’s dinner,” Mama explained.

Child Services has been notified and Director Elemenopee announced that she plans to conduct a surprise visit to the home on Thacker Lance sometime next week (on Wednesday) sometime between the hours of noon and five (at 3:15 p.m.)  “If there’s a lion in that house, we’ll find it.  And I’m so excited to have the opportunity to get her autograph.  I love her column and blog!”

Bartlett Police Department is requesting that anyone with information on the whereabouts of The Nephew contact them at 787-7677 or STP-RMRS.   The officers assigned would love to go home just in case there is a lion in the garage.

And I thought it was pretty ridiculous.  

And then I read this headline on Yahoo:

Dog shaved to look like lion prompts 911 call

I forgot that people are stupid.  

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© 2012 CThacker


5 thoughts on “Headline: Week Ending 1/11/12 – Mama Bread Baker Suspected of Housing a Lion

  1. People really are stupid.

    I read once, when I lived near Hartford, CT, that a couple called the police, fearing that there was a bear on their front porch. It was a wet Newfoundland dog. People are stupid. Which is of course, why we don’t have better gun laws.

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